Arrested 60+ Times, Now She Leads Recovery in South Carolina

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Cold open

00:12shots down my truck with a sawed off shotgun just a Tuesday just a Tuesday heroin and fentanyl controlled my life something had to change I was searching for who I was for all of 38 years I have a vision expand peer services and recovery services throughout the state of South Carolina and across the nation of the United States

Meet Asa Wilson

00:50Hey look at that boy Asa Wilson it's good to see you good to be here um good to be seen so before we get started just kind of tell our audience your credentials what you do all the many thousands of hats that you wear okay so credentials um all the hats with one job at Oxford House so I am the training and education coordinator for Oxford House and I'm also the outreach worker for the Lowcountry of South Carolina and then with FAVOR Lowcountry I'm the executive director of thank you so I know it's been a a long journey to uh to kind of get to this point and that's that's really what I'm excited to uh

01:39To hear you share um so in the spirit of the show do me a favor where did you grow up where are you from how do we get here ooh wee

Growing up in Moncks Corner

01:48Monks Corner South Carolina so we're about 30 miles away from home and ironically uh my husband and I bought a house there two years ago and I've kind of moved back to my roots which has been a totally new experience from when I lived there before haha so Monk's Corner what was childhood like childhood you know there were some positive and negative uh parts of my childhood um my parents were both really young uh from Monks Corner and my mom had me when she was 16 my dad was 19 and they both had challenges with substances and um I think my mom told me that she got pregnant with me on quaaludes

02:37And cocaine so that'll give you a little idea of what it was like um and growing up there was always partying inside of our house they had their friends over and they were functioning during the week and you know held down jobs and employment and made sure we had what we needed and then on the weekends it was filled with people in and out lots of alcohol use lots of marijuana cocaine use and uh kind of uh was my normal that's kind of what I you know was accustomed and programmed to as a child

Being an empath and feeling fear as a child

03:15And just just a little preface to I'm an empath and I can feel other people's emotions and energies and I was tapped into that at a very young age and so when those energies were brought around me I didn't really know how to feel and um didn't know what I was feeling or why I was feeling the things I was feeling so for me I remember feeling fear instilled in me at four and five years old um and so that was just like our lifestyle it was it was a lifestyle that I was raised in um and uh what I actually thought everybody on the planet did I didn't know any other way of living um I was always taught like you we were told what goes on in this house stays in this house

04:05And I wasn't able to play with friends at their houses they could come to mine um and I had a friend group that was the children of my parents'friends and so they were accustomed to that lifestyle as well and so the only time I could ever stay the night out really was like to their house or they would stay with us and so I'd seen the same things in all of these households and again I felt like what my what I was raised in was normal until I got old enough to realize it wasn't so you were you know I guess you start to realize some things at ages 4 and 5 and you spoke about experiencing feelings of fear and so I

04:51I as I try to visualize it it seems like you know people would would you know substances like hey we're partying but as a five year old you're experiencing fear what do you think that was and and why was that the emotion well I feel like the energy with substances and alcohol brings in itself not only to a child but even to an adult today when I'm in a space or an environment where people are drinking or actively using and and I've been in lots of those environments helping people throughout this journey I feel this energy and this uh the you know the that they're carrying and also the emotions that they're carrying still being an empath'cause it didn't go away and just uh I feel like it was just the energy that the um you know the the alcohol brings and and the substances bring

05:43And then also um I was probably feeling their fear as well because obviously for me when I'm using and drinking I'm escaping fear I'm escaping emotion and then that's why I used and drink for so many years was escaping not only who I was and the empath abilities cause once I would put alcohol or drug in my system I could shut it all off and that's the only way that I knew how and so by the age of 10 when I'm you know drinking till you know shot after shot to not feel or smoking marijuana to not feel until I found that you know again so I feel like I was feeling their fear fears feeling their emotions their energies and then also the energies of the substances that that brings um also there was some um

Childhood trauma

06:35There was some some sexual trauma and abuse that I experienced around the age of four and five which probably let in and and really fought filled the the fear inside of me and and and then again you know there was so many so many different feelings around that um and not knowing if if it was uh you know I at 5 years old I couldn't understand it because I I didn't the person that did this to me I respected and loved and um was one of my favorite family members and and I couldn't understand I I honestly thought like it's almost like I was being programmed and conditioned in that to make it feel normal and I could feel deep down inside me that something wasn't right like I didn't see even in other households with these friend groups that this behavior going on and um

07:27And that in itself you know with him telling me like uh you know you're gonna get in trouble this is all your fault um if you say anything ever you know and and again you know I feel like that's another part of where the fear was coming in yeah yeah

Parents who were more like friends

07:45So what was your relationship like with your parents so both parents are in the home what was your relationship like with them through your early childhood so my mom and my real dad split up when I was um probably two or three and that was a tumultuous relationship and they were all in a friend group so my stepdad my dad my mom and a couple of other family members they all hung out together in high school went to high school together right um and then my parents split up and then my mom got with my stepdad who they had two boys which were my younger brothers um but it was I it was um I don't know what it would have been like to live with my dad at that age cause I didn't

08:32Um he was present they were still friends even after the fact um so it was more like a friendship growing up with my parents all of my parents because my dad used he wasn't a drinker but he was an active user and then my mom and my stepdad as well and so I was when I as I was growing up my mom would believe like you know why I got caught smoking well you're smoking in the house I don't want you smoking on the corner I'm drinking I can drink inside the house I can't drink out on the streets she always wanted me to do all the things under her roof so that she could keep an eye on me but she also allowed that to start happening at 10 11 12 years old and so it was always a and we were so close in age remember she had me at 15 right so 15 16 um so we were so close in age

09:18Growing up that's pretty much what it was it was more of a friendship and it was I respected her in a sense but also a lot of disrespect because of the way that she moved her behaviors and when she tried to tell me like I need to slow down drinking or I needed to slow down using or I needed to you know as she was doing all the things I I really had no respect in that regard um but growing up I mean like I said we we played sports we I was in cheerleading I did extracurricular activities we had a trampoline a pool a boat jet skis we had all these things that I find later in life were a lot of distraction right because they were always behind closed doors doing what they did and I feel like they provided things for us so that we could stay busy and we wouldn't really bother

10:08Them and I could be wrong about that I've not ever had a conversation with any of my parents about that um always wondered but they always wanted to provide and give us the things that other kids had but the present being present or being of sound mind body and spirit I don't think was very often you know um yeah now when you said you just said spirit so from the spiritual aspect what was that at like in the home was there any kind of spirituality at all not at all okay so if you're drinking and kind of you know this seems like it starts to really take shape at ages 10 10 through 12 did was what was that like at school did did were there

10:58It seems like the the teachers or some form of administration would have seen something did you ever get in any trouble or yeah I got caught cutting school one time I think I was in the sixth grade seventh grade um we had walked off and I don't even know if my parents ever even found out about that they might be finding out about it from this podcast right now um so I think it was in sixth grade and we my friend lived behind the school and I went to College Park Middle School then I went to multiple schools between dad and mom's house but um we cut school and got drunk and the cops caught us and had to call her mom to come home but not yours but I don't think my mom and them were ever notified I don't recall ever getting in trouble for that

11:46Were you good at not getting caught were you sneaking I was actually able to sneak out so when all my other friends were sneaking out and like they were like sneaking out like my mom wouldn't care so I just let her know like hey I'm going outside with X y z be like 2 o'clock in the morning so my mom was like the cool mom the well the cool mom the the Kool Aid mom you know you could smoke and drink at my house boys could stay the night at like 12 12 years old you know what I mean like everybody hung out at my house my house was the hangout house I had a pool I had a trampoline I had all the things so again you know it's just like not a lot of parental at what I believe a parental should be and I guess everybody's definition would would be different with that but I never had friends whose parents would allow them to do what my parents allowed us to do

12:35So let me ask you if you think about it now looking back what what impact did that have hmm but molded me to who I am today so I can't really say I don't find it as a negative thing would I do I allow my 12 year old to do these things that my parents let me do absolutely not right yeah um I also don't want her to have to experience the path that her and her father her well me and her father have went down and um yeah so I'm I'm a little overbearing parent ish ish the pendulum swings yeah so were you happy as a child looking back yeah I could say I was happy I mean I got I got a lot of the things that I wanted you know I'd there wasn't any a lot of rules I mean there were rules

13:25Like don't get it twisted like I had to make good grades I had to do this I was involved in the extracurricular cheerleading the soccer I was doing all the things so I had to be engaged in those types of things and I wanted to be engaged in those things like I wanted to do that and I was allowed to and so yeah I I feel like my childhood was pretty positive where there were a lot of negative things there was a lot of trauma there was a lot of um you know arguing between our parents there was a lot of um sometimes physical abuse and I say physical abuse like I I probably brought a lot of it upon myself the way that I disrespected my mother and calling her out and saying things and probably saying things that I shouldn't have been saying at that age and she would punish me for for those things um there were

14:17Times sometimes that you know there were days that she didn't come home there were weeks that she didn't come home and my stepdad would be and and they tried not to talk about their problems with us but you could feel the energy inside of the house something was going on and plus you know one of them wouldn't come home for days so we would know right we would know the details of what was going on and so those times were a little harder right they they they had a little bit of an impact and you know now that I I do the work and doing EMDR and doing like inner child work and working on my traumas like part of that has come up and I didn't realize it affected me as much as it has but you know not seeing a healthy husband wife relationship or a healthy parent child dynamic um I'm learning that today with my marriage

15:10And with me being a mom to this little girl in my life and um I don't want to I'm doing everything that they didn't do right yeah that makes perfect sense yeah that's interesting you you talk about doing some some m E m d R work so in that how do you connect the dots what are some things that kind of stand out in regards to how it affected you that you perhaps didn't realize um so I'm only up to age 5 at this point

What EMDR is revealing

15:43With my EMDR and and if you're familiar with EMDR you identify big TS and little TS and you identify certain times of your life and then you you go through and and do the do the the practice and and you have a safe container and a and a safe place to go to whenever you're in between sessions and um so I'm only up to age 5 right now um but what I've noticed though is um um with the sexual abuse um the way that I and I and maybe this isn't connected maybe it is maybe it's not having a healthy relationship with my father that incorporated it maybe it's not having or having that um that abuse on done which in turn the the the journey of relationships throughout my life where I felt compelled to base my um um

16:39What's the word value on what I could do um to please a man right and that's in every sense right it's like emotionally physically sexually mentally right and so for me growing up and being in all these toxic relationships um I feel like it stemmed from that sexual abuse at age 5 also relationship with male family members it really changed the dynamic of that where I was more standoffish and more I would not allow myself to let barriers down or be vulnerable or in these spaces with male family members and so I think that that's probably what what it affected thus far right

17:32And then and then in the sense like some of the things that I haven't worked on that I feel like are still coming up like me not having a relationship a healthy relationship with my father who is very I mean um uh mentally and emotionally abusive calling me out of names of a whore and a slut and all these things at the age of 12 13 years old cause I moved with my mom and stepdad thinking the grass was gonna be greener on the other side with my father and it wasn't and he was in active use and I hid it from my mom and made my mom think that everything was all fine and dandy over here um and it wasn't you know um and then seeing now my husband be this very healthy father present father in his little girl's life and

18:27Showing me what that's supposed to look like right I never had that as a child growing up right um and so that has brought some things so um yeah so in the spirit of like multiple pathways you talk about EMDR talk to me a little bit what are some suggestions or what are some one insight what is it and if somebody's considering that what are some things that perhaps they may need to know

How EMDR works, and who it's for

19:00It's eye movement desensitization and reprocessing and so what you're doing is you're you're going in you're identifying the traumas you're reprogramming the neural pathways in your brain right so what what has happened to you you're going in you're visualizing what you see what you smell what you taste what you hear and you're going taking yourself back to that space and then you are rewiring and changing up the visualization of what you would have done or could have done differently to get out of that space or to if it didn't happen or if you could stop it from happening what you would do as you're tapping for well I did the tapping uh tool there's a eye you know it's bilateral stimulation so you can do it walking you can do it tapping it's

19:49You know you can do it with light with your eyes and so the bilateral stimulation though as you're repro you're reprogramming your subconscious is what you're doing and so that's the process of it that you go through and then you have that safe that safe container to put it in you know if you're working on it and it gets heavy with your therapist and I do not recommend doing it without a therapist by any means you need someone to guide you through this and to be there to support you through it um and in my experience with one of them you know in the situation where I was molested um one of the times um I visualize myself running and when I come out of it after tapping my legs were on fire and that was just a profound experience for me because I was literally running and my I mean

20:37I'm my body knew what I was visualizing my therapist was like where are you where are you feeling this and I was like I'm feeling my legs my legs are on fire she's like well what were you visualizing you do different and I was like I was running and she's like isn't that wild that you're feeling it in your legs and I'm like yeah is that something you would recommend for somebody that's early on in recovery absolutely not hahaha absolutely I would agree and so I've been going through this for four years five almost five years now and I've only gotten age five like I've identified right and we've taken breaks and we have to cause a lot of my traumas are centered around family dynamic and so when the holidays come around right I we stop we stop beforehand we'll take a break we'll come back through um and and then we'll continue but I I mean I've been breaking out since last October

21:27So it's almost been a year that I've been breaking and now I'm still seeing my therapist we're still going through trauma therapy but we're not we're not identifying but I'm also in grad school I'm doing all these things that really require my focus and attention and expansion here and expansion with Oxford House and doing all the things and so when I when I know I have a a full plate I I tend to try to back off a little yeah yeah kind of take it's heavy yeah it's really heavy doses or bites and yeah kind of let it um process it and go through some acceptance I would imagine and all those things that's intense do you think it's it's changed you and if so in what ways for the better how has it helped you I'm able to have a civil conversation with both of my parents was that not the case for a while

22:19No I had a lot I don't want to say it was hatred I just had or resentment cause I've done so much work um it was just this guarding where and I'm still guarded I don't want to take away from that like I'm still guarded I still set boundaries but I feel like I'm allowing my boundaries and my walls to come down a little bit more as time goes through yeah yeah there's a lot of things that happened that I will not talk about on this podcast right because I do not want to cause harm to anybody that I love right and regardless of the situations they know what time it is um um but it's taken a lot to forgive you know I don't think I'll ever forget it's just made the process of EMDR has allowed it to be I I don't want to say more accepting but more accepting like you said right like

23:11It's like accepting what was and what happened but also not allowing it to control and direct me my whole entire life and that's what I refuse to allow them to have power over me anymore for and that's kind of how I have to look at it right like I'm not allowing anybody in my family to have any power and control over my directive of my life you know in this path that I'm taking um and for me I felt like um letting a lot of that stuff go was very empowering for me yeah I can relate you know I I didn't realize the the damage and the the impact and the significance that like my father being absent and my my relationship has basically been non existent until the age of 12 ultimately got to spend

24:03I don't know a series of a couple weeks and then got put on a bus and then that's been it um and so looking at because I don't like feelings I didn't want to feel right I'm I'm just gonna be honest right I don't like to feel uncomfortable and um but I got tired of blowing my life up and it was like I really have to acknowledge some of these things that hurt and look at this in a mature adult way right because you know even my viewpoint of like what a man was supposed to be it was just all wrong because one I didn't have one and um you know getting to a place to uh one look at some of the the forgiveness aspects of those things as well as like honestly how that that influence

24:52Me it's heavy stuff man and uh you know we were talking earlier today about you know trauma and how you know things as much as I used to think oh that's ridiculous like it's a very real thing of these things that were way beyond my control way back I mean even before when you're in the womb or when you think about when I think about your parents well I don't know what their childhood was like and I don't know what they were exposed you know what I mean and how they cause nobody wants to sign up to just you know use drugs all the time and the consequences that come with it right cause the pain right the relief that we get from what substances do so when I wanna thank you for you know being willing to uh to be vulnerable and and share on that cause I can

25:43Really relate and didn't realize how much of an impact it really did have on me and how much I was hurt yeah I I and and ironically when I first got into recovery

Drug court and generational trauma

25:56One of I was sentenced to drug court so I went through the Drug Court Problem program and one of the assignments that my intensive outpatient clinical a therapist is what she was she actually helped save my life uh she had given us an assignment to go and try to find as much as we can about our family history and that LED me into this like yeah genetic disposition right like we are genetically exposed to a lot of the things that we encounter in our life whether it be abandonment whether it be not having a father present a mother present the substances there's so many variables and factors in there and as I was going back on both sides of the family it's every every family member pretty much I'd say 98% of my family members

26:51Have some type of substance and lots of trauma and lots of sexual trauma too because again you know if you're Southern Baptist or even if you're just in the south in the south like a lot of these things happen inside of the house and again we are so you know program that what goes on in this family stays in this family you don't talk about it whether it be mental health whether it be uh substance use the sexual trauma the gambling the whatever it is right you don't talk about it you don't talk about your problems with people or each other for that matter you know that's crazy cause I'm just having the realization your your family where if you're from on the swarm so is mine there in Jamestown right and my grandmother literally I just found out on she died on 9 11 and um

27:41You know she went to like Macedonia High School way back when foxes so when you talk about this I I will leave the family name out of this out of respect for but when you talk about sexual trauma and all of these things and abuse I mean it was happening to her at a at you know as a child and it's been a generational generational thing I guess where we where we come from it's the reason I share that is cause I get a visual of I know where you you come from and it's like yeah that's real um here and and I think we're doing a good job of that and we can talk about that uh a little later about stigma and some of the things we're doing to to address that but what so you get to high school it seems like you're you're I mean there's no doubt you're intelligent

High school, popularity and first drugs

28:30Did you do well in high school or did you get in any trouble or did things progress what happened oh I didn't do a lot of high school I mean I graduated high school I think it's all because of my family's name all because of who my family was right like the um the yeah I graduated Berkeley High School class of 98 I think I missed like 100 days in my senior year I didn't go to school much in my junior year um in high school I was introduced to cocaine and mushrooms and hallucinogens and I drank a lot and was probably part of the popular friend group right um I I I feel like that was ego just now but I feel like a pretty well known you know I feel like I've been pretty well known my whole entire life I think my name is commercial at the end of the day

29:20Everybody knows Asa um no doubt but they don't at the same time yeah they have no clue they know the name and um so yeah in high school I was extremely promiscuous right like I was still that's where that you know I feel like that um trauma the sexual trauma as a child LED me to you know was like wanting to be accepted wanting to feel loved um wanting to um yeah and that that probably was was because of the dynamics of the parenting as well right like not the lack of the lack of healthy parenting um to where I sought that um and in a and a and a boy right um and I end up getting

30:06Pregnant my senior year and I didn't know who her father was you know still don't know who her dad is um and yeah so I feel like all that stuff from from childhood kind of affect started affecting me more and more as I got into high school you know so you went to Berkeley that's where my grandfather went my grandparents went there too yeah I don't know I think my grandmother may went there too I don't know like we've we've it's crazy hope we might be cousins who knows who knows ha ha ha so when did you one in high school or through that did you ever spend much time alone and if you did how if you could look back to that how how would you feel if you were had any downtime by yourself

30:58I don't think there was any just going just going yeah parties throwing parties um yeah I don't recall a lot of downtime or alone time my cousin lived in I'm I in high school I was living with dad and then I lived moved in with my best moved back to mom's and move moved in with my best friend and her family at the time and um uh they kind of taught me what family values kind of look like cause they were I don't want to say they were normal I don't even know what normal is um but they had a this family dynamic and I was taught some morals and I was taught like you know how to carry myself as a lady and how to you know be respectful and I'm not saying that my my parents didn't try to instill that in me as well my mom but

31:48You know more so with this family and I respected them on a different level too right'cause they didn't you know they were present at their kids you know things and they were um supportive and you know um just family oriented and I had never experienced that and it was a different family oriented right as my family oriented did not look like theirs but it it just there wasn't drinking every single day there wasn't use there wasn't any of these things in this family dynamic I mean there were behind the scenes that I found out later but that you know it didn't control or rule their life either or the family you know I'm sure there are they had their own issues and challenges and whatever but for me coming

32:35From where I was at into that space was life changing honestly but I still found myself you know um I was still drinking I mean me and my best friend um we we drank we cut school we you know partied all the time and you know so you get out of high school did you ever experience any any problems through high school you seem like you probably got out relatively unscathed yeah I probably um just at the age of 18 I got my first charge of uh simple possession of marijuana my dad bailed me out yeah that's lame yeah hahaha so that starts 18:18 alright so where do we go from 18G was

A daughter at 17 and finding "family"

33:23So I had my daughter when I was 17 um and I was able to stop drinking and using and everything during that time I wasn't doing anything and I had her and she was you know you know I and and in in all this right like I I ended up uh started dating a guy and getting connected with some people um that were in a affiliate of of a gang and so I had um they were like a family to me though right like they loved on me and they supported me and I mean we were doing a lot of criminal activity a lot of drugs a lot of drug activity and so when my daughter was born um I had like 30 gang members at the hospital there to like bless her in you know it's really wild I

34:13It's wild even saying that out loud right now um but this is where my head was at then right I was always seeking something that seeking that family dynamic that you know what what it was supposed to be or what I thought it should look like and um I had this group of people that just were so accepting and loving and I was the black sheep so to speak so like they were too and you know we were able to relate and feel comfortable in each other's spaces and so um yeah that let me down started it started the trajectory of the the spiral of my life going down now you let me let me ask you cause there's a lot of similarities between us um growing up downtown single parent mother

35:01She's trying to go to medical school no one's at home I'm out on the streets in downtown a lot of my friends are in the projects and so ultimately I I didn't even realize it but it's a gang right that's what we're involved in and there was something that seemed to be exciting about that lifestyle right there's like power and there's like control like it's not like all you know we get all mushy and sentimental but there's this other side of me that like yeah there's a strength in numbers there's a there's and emotional safety in a very unsafe environment you know I mean there's a lot of guns there's a lot of drugs and you say criminal activity did you can you identify to that and maybe speak on that that would be incriminating

35:55Um yeah there was a lot dude um I remembered like getting like people being jumped in and just you know being at the clay pits on Ashley Fosfate and jumping off the top of hoods of blazers and like DDT and you know elbow drops and watching someone get beat so bad they defecate on themselves and getting off on that like yeah you're exactly right you know I felt safe in those spaces but they were so unsafe I remember um driving I had a car I had multiple cars growing up and one of the times I was and in Somerville at the at the uh uh checkers off Main Street and me and a couple girls other G Queens right um we're we're at the the checkers one guy's like cat calling and the boyfriend hears

36:43About it and he chases him down and shoots at him and we're going down I twenty six coming to Charleston an exit 2 11 which stands for a little caper if you know anything about that um I got you know six shots down my truck with a sawed off shotgun it came two inches from you know my window and blowing my fucking head off you know I and I was round up ready to go you know let's go let's get him yeah let's get him you know and then going to meet nine other car loads of people and chasing that guy down I don't know whatever happened to that guy it's just a Tuesday just a Tuesday yeah exactly right so you make this jump from being you know seem like you just doing high school stuff yeah it's probably a little excessive but now we're

37:33Basically involved in in a gang at 18 right um I think the gang stuff started more like 16 17 really yeah yeah yeah that makes sense but just there there's a progression in that right yeah so did you start to kind of develop a role in that and find an identity in that yeah it became me that's who I became so describe to us if you had to do a personality profile who who

"Savage": who Asa was back then

38:06Was Asa at that time snapshot Savage savage I'd put you in your trunk and take your car yeah I'd run up in your house and take all your shit like it was wild invincible didn't have a care no empathy maybe I did but I um I don't think the empathy is ever really went away but it's like you just kind of you are ruthless trying to prove myself to someone and myself and feeling like I have to partake in these things to to really do that and have this level of acceptance and love and you know like really trying to still find myself right just and I feel like when I was younger with the empath stuff and the reason why I leaned into the drugs and alcohol was I was lost in everybody else's emotions and energies just like I was at that age too

38:57And it's like trying to run from who I was cause I could feel that but also trying to find myself in that same space right and it was just a hell of a journey right and that's you know where we're at now is just a the beginning of it and and really identifying like what I don't wanna be and what I wanna be and and that's just it took me 38 years to get there you know it's a hell of a journey it's wild so let's kind of I wanna just take that segment in that block right because and let's talk about the progression right you're 18 cause I mean this is the thing and i'mma let the cat cause you're humble enough I mean really and truly you're you're probably one of the most well known individuals in in the recovery space in the state of South Carolina and beyond

39:45Like you do y'all were just at a national convention with Oxford right um you've been you've been your life is completely 180 degrees um the miracle that has happened in in uh has taken place is truly like it it'll blow your mind right and I the thing is is I've actually got to see uh some of it you know like as the I probably met up with you right when you got going with Oxford right is whenever I got but I know the circles that you traveled in because I traveled in similar circles in this area right you kind of on one side I'm I'm down and there's a lot of crossover in Charleston in in in that game so you know speak to us about the progression

40:32Because there's probably several arrests there's just you know the quick sand of addiction so just from your experience what that was like through those years and and maybe you could share a little on that yeah well the the progression was like criminal activity and I've already shared a couple instances but I think the final straw with all that was um

The home invasion that changed things

40:55My truck was used in a home invasion and they ended up killing somebody and um they left my house I was living in Trammel and Sangree and drove that truck that got shot up with that sawed off shotgun to a a guy's house and and one of his family to rob him from you know giving orders from a guy in prison you know that's supposed to have all these baby tech nines and all these drugs and gold and all this stuff and they go run up in his house and what the guy's family members are is in the military he's home from you know basic training and they end up shooting the wrong guy and you know then they end up not even getting anything but they used my truck in it so they were trying to charge me with conspiracy to murder after the fact and I think at that moment I was like wait a minute like this is has and I had no clue what they were going to do I I did not have an inkling

41:44Um and that was testified for and I ended up being able to get out of that of course because I honestly didn't have anything to do with it but in those moments I was like whoa whoa whoa right like something's gotta change um did I stop using and drinking absolutely not did I um take a step back from the the the um the the circle a little bit yeah um block is hot yeah so when you talk about substances what was kind of it did what was your at that time it was cocaine and uh ecstasy acid um I did a lot of candy flipping and and and from there went to you know the rave circuit right from cocaine

42:30Went to the rave circuit and then I was underground raving for for lots of years and that was a totally different friend group and so yeah some of those individuals that I was with in that gang affiliation also were into that too and so it just started a whole different you know I don't know it's like a shift in activities right it went from like thugging it out you know busting the sag you know uh just all the things to jinkos to jinkos yeah skateboarding yeah uh ketamine yeah you know ecstasy and Molly uh acid all at the same time lipids you know good times hahaha and music and music yeah now what what some people don't understand rave culture can be very violent as well oof um as somebody

43:21That spent a little bit of time in that you wouldn't think so you're like oh that's a bunch of you know the the rave culture uh it's got its own set of problems maybe you could speak on what that experience was like for you could you I'm sure you traveled around and did some shows and stuff like that or yeah I robbed a lot of dope boys there are ecstasy dealers in that in that time a whole lot a lot of money and a lot of a lot of a lot of drugs um yeah there's a whole there's a whole thing with that like that's a whole different that's a shift right there in itself it's like you know your your your senses are 10 100 times more you know heightened every every one of them and so it's uh

44:10It's just a totally different experience and I ended up dating a guy that was um trafficking Molly from uh Jamaica on cruise ships to here and he ended up getting indicted like 19 other people feds and did like 18 years fed time so in that space he was bringing a lot of the stuff we were pressing the pills we were making all the things and had it at our I mean right there at our fingertips and um there was a if you didn't have the money there were things behind the scenes with that as well and he was a bouncer at a local club and and a strip club and um you know so he was in all in that and I was you know brought into that as well and in the club scene strip club scene especially um the owners are involved they're there's a lot of of stuff going on with that and people coming up dead and not having

44:59My you know product given out not coming back so you know in that sense like you just it it was what it was just a day at the office freaking day at the office yeah I used to talk to people like I hated strip clubs'cause it's like that's work it's the office and one I was raised different like I should have known better I I've never you talk about the energies right like that's the one thing I found myself maybe I don't know maybe you felt some of the same way like yeah there's this excitement there's this energy there's this adrenaline but then there's those moments you know when you sit back and you're like this isn't right did you ever experience any of that or probably not you're just that psychotic yeah that psychotic I think when did you realize that there was so one

60+ arrests: "You couldn't tell me I had a problem"

45:51For our audience so they know how many times have you been arrested collectively overall in your body of work I remember being at the uh over 60 yeah yeah and it and it went from state to state it's like South Carolina North Carolina Alabama Florida Georgia I mean it everywhere I went I found myself behind the cell and you never thought that there ever was a problem no never you couldn't tell me couldn't even when I came into recovery I had to have my my the first woman that that um that I that I was with um in a self help program um they were had to point out things to me and I was like no and I I don't have a problem and even at the end I mean I was so um uh

46:38Heroin and fentanyl and methamphetamines just controlled my life and I was living in abandoned houses and tents sometimes and you know hotels and all of that and you still couldn't tell me I had a problem and I think that's why I stayed in that life for so long is because I managed and made the best of every situation that I was ever in and I feel like that's what kept me cause I was just content I was okay and you I would get locked up that's three hots and a cops like a vacation when I went to jail you know I didn't have to stress about the hustle and bustle I didn't have to you know do this or rob that person or sell this or demoralize myself or any of those things right and I it literally felt like a vacation and I did time very well and I knew everybody

47:24In there so it's like a high school family reunion when I went to jail so you mentioned that you started this is the first time I heard you talk about heroin and like amphetamine so evidently there was a shift from rave culture with kind of basically psychedelics and and you know Molly do you remember that shift with when you

How opioids first came in

47:47Opioids were introduced or had they kind of so I think opiates were actually introduced in my high school years right after I had my daughter right before I had my daughter had my wisdom teeth taken out and I was given a prescription of of um lortabs and my mom was on opiates too and so she was like hey you need to tell him like those pills aren't strong enough so you can get a higher so I would I did I I was like hey these my tooth still killing me still killing me and they went from I think they gave me 7 fives to start off with and then they end up giving me tens and I was like oh these are too strong and then I got a script of fives so I got three scripts out of four teeth right so I Learned then okay here we go and I I was on opiates the whole entire time I don't think you know once I got it to my teens and introduced to the opiates

48:33I don't think there was ever time I did not not do opiates and and I feel like every drug was like a different chapter of my life you know it was like alcohol and marijuana then I went to to cocaine and we didn't even go through the crack years like the crack was a whole another thing and then you know the after probably at right after the hallucinogens or even during the hallucinogens and the ecstasy some crack in there and then the crack and then the meth and then you know again just uh turn the page to a different substance you know it's interesting cause I I can connect the dots the pill hustle was a hustle like to me pills never seem to be a problem for a long time like you can go get a script do that it's not my thing there's money in it right I mean I remember you know for a long period of time

49:21Being you know cause being downtown King Street clubs like yeah man that's good money you know cause crack was kind of what floored me um which was you know Early 2000 is when it really'cause you didn't smoke crack right where I come from like you could get away with a little bit of powder and stuff but you did not smoke crack crack was not a thing like now on both sides of it like selling dope like you definitely ain't getting selling smoking crack um so you what was that like you got introduced to crack and then were you able to phase that out and then go to heroin or you just whatever's around all the time whatever was around all the time all of it at the same time was the best always around yeah

50:10Um the crack thing uh was introduced to by one of my mom's friends uh we were I worked in a gym for like 11 years as a personal trainer nutritionist that was a whole another thing can you picture that I was really good at expansion and selling gym memberships though and that's why I was there um cause I can sell you the wind out of your pocket probably and I think we have that in common um uh but um so I I experienced that and and I didn't feel anything that first time and then it was introduced to me again and and all you know it it was just a a weekend thing for some time and then it it literally took over my life too as well as anything right it was whatever was available it was whoever friend group I was hanging out with if I was hanging out with the crack smokers I was smoking crack if I was hanging out with

50:57The meth users I was smoking meth or injecting meth you know if I was all the while we all had opiates typically do you remember when heroin was introduced to you because my thing was is here I I there was a like I remember to to the t when cause pills is are is one thing the oxys the roxys whether I'm in troll like I remember all of that stuff but I can remember to the t when hair but one where I where I was at when that came on the scene was like black tar heroin it was just like Bam you know and it was I'm I'm just call it what it is the Mexican cartel and it was not only here but it was in Myrtle Beach and uh that thing was on and I'm not that I was like for me the profitability of it was like very appealing but I

51:47Remember thinking like other than like down by Nassau or something from some veterans way out of sight out of mind one you're not using needles right and two heroin no that like that just wasn't a thing and I remember that shift so how did that get introduced to you and what was that like for you

A Navy marriage and losing control

52:08So ironically like I told you I was already on opiates and I ended up I ended up getting married in 2005 this guy in the Navy went to nuke school he's five years younger than me and that's a whole another story in itself my parents told me I would never find a husband and I proved them wrong within three months I was married um and I used him and that's that's a whole another thing um and we moved to Virginia to Norfolk cause he was on the USS Theodore Roosevelt and he went on a med tour and um yeah I was referred from the prescribed opiates through the Navy hospital to a methadone clinic so I was on methadone before I was on heroin and I remember you know being on the methadone and then I um would come back and forth from Charleston to Virginia every weekend cause I was smoking crack so much then

52:58Alright I didn't have a crack dealer yet on Piccadilly Street which I ended up finding one and moving him into my house in Virginia that's again another story um and so I was coming back and forth and I was introduced to this guy and the first time I ever got high on hair when I injected it um on right off Remount Road on Yemen's hall in front of the in front of the laundry mat which still sits there today to this day right right beside the hardware store and I went out and um someone drove my car back to the to the house where this gentleman stayed and um I came too of course and I end up doing some more and I don't I think I ended up staying down here for like three days just getting high on tar heroin um and then I had to have enough to take back with me so I

53:46Bought a bunch and took it back and then I found a dealer there and um there's a bunch of powder there and um I remember I was thinking about this the other day and I remember that that dope boy he was like I wanted to get high on heroin so bad before I came down here to get high on heroin and he couldn't understand it he was just like you know I've never met anybody you don't want this you're gonna get the monkey you're gonna get sick if you don't have it you're gonna end up doing really really messed up things to get this and you know you don't want to get started on this and he kept telling me that over and over and over again and I kept begging him for it and it's just wild to think about today and where that whole that drug LED my whole life um that he was genuinely trying to help me you know and the more he told me not to do it the more I wanted to do it you know yeah

54:37So I guess that monkey probably destroyed Virginia oh absolutely hahaha

Losing everything

54:46I sold everything we had including my wedding set while he's gone the cars the motorcycles he's in med 6 months everything was gone so was I he comes back to absolutely nothing he comes back to a crack dealer and a bunch of dope boys living inside of our house fuck so where'd you go from there what happened um I went to North Carolina to my grandma's house and and and stayed there for a little while shout out grandma yeah thanks Granny God rest your soul um and then I came back to Charleston and uh lived from couch to couch to guy to guy to you know just hustling hustling now you got now you got a heroin issue right yeah

55:40So how I have a whole issue yeah yeah a whole you sound like we got one or two that's why I love you to death right I I I don't feel alone right it's like yeah somebody that I yeah I get it yeah so um obviously walk me through when you get back here to how in the world you get introduced to recovery so at this point way far off yeah so but at this point like you're still you're what in your 20s right you're you're nowhere near throwing in the towel thinking there's a problem none of it you're just just fighting living to the wall fight another day stealing things that aren't laid down looking for licks ready to roll so you get back to Charleston you're probably somewhere

56:30North Charleston to be honest or you just all over the place I'm all over yeah what what was that you back with the gang now or nope not really uh I ended up um connecting with some people that I I went to school with um that were living the same lifestyle at that point and um a girlfriend of mine and I and we would hustle and go all to the bars and start off with drinking and then we would venture out and I ended up um going to look for some crack one night and end up in Cross South Carolina and met this guy Fraser boy as a matter of fact not I don't I don't know that uh he would even listen to this but he's still he's still there um and he was selling a lot of drugs and I was just kind of latched on him he also was a welder and a journeyman and so we started doing shutdowns on paper Mills and I traveled and

57:18I was a tool room lady and selling a bunch of drugs and buying big eights in Atlanta and I mean it was it was wild you just start doing shut down huh shut down right I got I got tools and I got tools and I got bricks all that and I started getting arrested then um I remember uh we also had this thing where I would we would uh I would go to Belk and I would steal brighten belts and I would take them back to get gift cards and I had a gift card guy back here that would buy them all so we would go from like here to Alabama here to Texas here to and we're on the way to do the shutdown and we're hitting he's getting Cadillac converters I'm getting gift cards from Belk while he's outside in the Belk parking lot like with the souls all freaking getting Cadillac converters so we're coming back with a lick of Cadillac converters

58:05We're coming back with a lick of gift cards and like tax return checks from doing shutdowns you know and I'm like you know it's just wild it's exhausting just listening to this it was a lot dude it was a whole lot it was a whole lot so how long did that last um a couple years we did that and his family was supportive and cross and we live with his mom for a little while and um and then we ended up moving to North Austin on the wailing and oh my god bro welcome home yeah welcome home yeah and then I woke up one day and he was gone he just left and uh I yeah he ended up taking a bus to his ex girlfriend's that he was with in Germany and uh he's like I'm out and um then I was like in survivor mode by myself

Life on the Waylyn

58:54So do me a favor right you talk about the wailing right cause it I'm very familiar with the wailing but many people may not be I spent a lot I I spent a lot of my time down in the making and so you have the whale and maybe you can describe that environment oh so there's a lot of bloods there I think um which was really weird cause I wasn't affiliated with that gang um and it's African American predominantly right and and there's a lot of the culture there is poverty it's underserved it's um substance fueled and alcohol and you sit under a tree and drink all day and smoke some crack and shoot some heroin and the only white people in there pretty much do heroin and everyone else sells the drugs

59:41Right that's just the culture there and um yeah that's the Waylon I and now it's kind of being gentrified to be honest with you my mom's actually living on the Waylon right now which is really wild to go back in that neighborhood after all these years and she's in recovery now and you know she's there's still some people around though you can tell you can point them out like who's engaged in what I I can feel it you know well I'm not to jump cause but I think this is important

Gentrification in North Charleston

1:00:12To talk about gentrification cause I'll give an example Ahem uh you know the the Ravenel Bridge wasn't always there it was uh it was a Cooper River bridge and the new plans and designs came up for that bridge and one day the projects were there and in a very short time those projects were gone and so were those people and so when I look at it I I think it's because you do have your ears to the ground in this city and you know I'm you know I'm in the upstate when you look at the gentrification one where are these people where are these cause you can't afford to live in Charleston is outrageous so where are they put where are these people going and and and what's your experience

1:01:01In regards to the gentrification what I feel is if it's going on a lot of that was airs property right so it's um you know all these families that have owned properties in Old Park Circle in Remount North Charleston making the wailing all of these families own these properties right which was fairly cheap back then and and now these families are dying off and the people are selling the spaces and it's allowing people with money to come in and kind of um take over right like honestly and they build these houses and then they put them in the market and you have no clue if you're in California and you're moving to South Carolina to the Wayland that you're about to buy a house that looks fairly priced it looks great it's upgraded it's got all these quartz top you know countertops and all this great molding and you know the the finishes

1:01:49And all this stuff but when you get there and you get in the neighborhood not the whole neighborhood has been gentrified yet and so we're bringing all these new people in um that have no clue where they're moving which is kind of a good thing but yet it's not because it's pushing a lot of the family in the history out of North Charleston in my opinion because there's so much history here and and and that's a whole another podcast so yeah and to me it's sad it is sad and I'm wondering where are they going because you can't afford the taxes right so they're getting pushed out where are they going monks Corner well now you're getting to a point you can't even afford Monks Corner where is everybody going yeah good question so we don't even know and so you get'cause this one of the fastest growing place like the state as a whole is one of the fastest growing in the country and between

1:02:35Charleston and where I'm at in Greenville I mean they've 'cause something that would cost you $2 million in in California you can buy for 350 400,000 um where these families those houses cost them at one point in time probably 25 30,000 if that and so they come in and they put some lipstick on it and they're pushing people out and so when I look at like just the cultural impact that it has right because and I think it is fair to say like I enjoy you know favor in itself is a national organization and part of that mantra is everyone everywhere deserves a fighting chance at recovery and in that it's not just about substance use it's about all the ancillary things and resources

1:03:28Uh to help individuals move to a better place and so to me that's education right that's job opportunities that's skills is support medical mental health

Reaching underserved communities

1:03:39And so I I look at that what are some of the biggest challenges that you see working in under serve so I think you and I have had extensive conversation about this a while back about the culture right so they're not gonna listen or respect anything um in in in a lot of these populations especially when we're going in African American populations I'm not African American I can't relate with what they've been through I can't I can share my lived experience but that will never look like nothing anybody's ever went through in that in that space right and and it does create a barrier and you really have to you know get in where you fit in in a sense um to even be able to provide the resources needed into these um these neighborhoods and

1:04:28You know our good friend has has helped with that and and navigating that but there's still that stigma too right with with just that and it creates

Breaking silos and servant leadership

1:04:37These silos and barriers for for us to bring these recovery resources in um so that's one one thing um and then you know uh just the stigma in general has been a huge barrier with a lot of these demographics as we're moving in and you know we know that substance use affects every family in some form of fashion whether be a family member you um you know a good friend a a spouse whatever that looks like and a lot of people just don't wanna talk about it and they're afraid of judgment and they're afraid of but then that's causing more judgment and more stigma because they're not willing to listen cause they don't wanna be stigmatized so they don't even feed into the conversation of

1:05:27You know maybe what they may be experiencing or have experienced you know so it's like stigma on top of stigma on top of stigma you know and that's that's challenging yeah my experience so um my uh my family coach is actually also a pastor in in the in the black community and so we had had a conversation where you know it was like well man how do we how do we how do we reach that community right you have you know the the west side of Greenville you have you know the district certain areas from there um and you know he look he said they're not gonna come here and I was like well let's go there right and you know the one thing that we've talked about is trust right

1:06:15And um so we went down we've you know kind of you know pulled some some leaders in the community and you know kind of went down to uh to break try to break those barriers and you talk about silos and I want I want your honest feedback on this and this is my thing I I don't have anything left to prove in in in regards to my career or anything like I generally I'm just trying to help people and build good programs an individual and like I said as a pastor where there are associations we throw an event there's a hundred and something religious leaders and community leaders within the community and there's food and everybody's dressed up and it's a feel good thing and the someone who is in the community suits up to show up on site

1:07:08And there's no support because every it seems as if every organization or or or in that it's all about what they're doing and they'll show up to the event and they'll smile but when it comes time to put in the work it's crickets do you experience that down here and if we do how do we stop that because shame on it and you know it takes a village and we've got to start I think we're getting better at it um but it's beyond trust it's more like oh do you it's like there's a desire of I don't want them to do better than me and that that's not gonna work we're not gonna get anywhere if we don't start putting our hands across and working together do you experience that and if you do one how have you overcome

1:08:00That or two what are some things that we need to be doing that's a huge broad question and um yeah the silos are a real thing and I have this I've had this conversation frequently um leading up to this day right now uh recently with individuals operating an ego and I think that that's where a lot of that behavior stems from where you're saying you know we have all these community partners we have all these things and we have the people that we serve and operating in ego you're gonna be doing things for monetary for your for pomp and stance to make yourself look good and I think that a lot of organizations operate in that and it's very sad at the end of the day because there I mean the only people suffering are the people that were serving if that's genuinely what you are

1:08:49And for me being a servant leader right and I'm leading by with mission and vision I'm leading with purpose today and I don't care about any of that I don't care about the monetary things and I there's not a lot of people in leadership roles that really have the mission vision and purpose being guiding them right and that's the unfortunate part and for me um I I think one of my strengths as a leader and being a servant leader has been building trust with these organizations and really holding them accountable to what they say they're gonna do right um you either like Asa or you don't and and I'm very honest and transparent and I may come out with um I may say things that might get under your skin

1:09:37But things that are need to be heard and I speak truth and some people just aren't prepared for that and how I've had to navigate those conversations and those relationships is just that accountability factor but wait a minute you're receiving XYZ to do XYZ this is what you say you're gonna do so let's do this and a lot of the individuals that I'm working with I am doing warm handoffs and I am seeing them through until that service has been acquired right yeah and and I think that a lot of the people that work in these organizations that are and maybe they're not LED by just ego maybe they are servant leaders but I think sometimes we can get lazy in the spaces and um you know hope for the best for those individuals and kind of see them through um

1:10:26Whereas here at FAVOR Lowcountry we make sure and and with Oxford House right like we wanna make sure our the individuals that we're serving are getting what they need and deserve right and and a lot of the people that we're serving don't even know what they need or what that looks like or how to navigate conversations or how to navigate in any of those spaces and so I feel like it's imperative for us as leaders to empower these individuals to educate them to to speak for themselves and to have a voice um and to to know what to expect it when they're going to these organizations and that takes teaching you know so here we are we're we're looking at and I'm glad you brought up Oxford and I wanna get to that I wanna I wanna hear how'd you get introduced to recovery

1:11:13Right cause all of a sudden we're we're making this jump we're down on the wailing I you know which we're knee deep in in that life right like for those who know like it's that's what it is like I can't even believe like like you had to know somebody to be down on the you know what I'm saying being a white girl down on the wailing you had to know some people to not to be alive is that fair to say I'm not making that up right absolutely that is fair to say so how in the world cause we're talking about systems and Oxford and all of this like how the hell did you get from that right kind of in a nutshell cause I know your time's valuable too

How Asa finally found recovery

1:11:51How do you find recovery like cause there's a light that's gone off and I I I can't explain it in you um you know I again from the whale and it was many many years after that till I found recovery and what how I found recovery was a long stint of criminal charges that just finally you know caught up with me um uh and and I was ended I ended up being sentenced to drug court back in 2,018 and um that literally started changing the trajectory of my life and but it was a lot of stuff leading up to that point that got me there sorry to interrupt you you said you've been arrested over 60 times you never like had to do like some real time or like how in the hell 60 times and it's like oh I got sentenced

1:12:39To drug court I gotta do something like how's that work you must have had some good lawyers or just not get like what in the world 60 times I think I just skated by by the hair of my chin on a lot of things and it was a lot of misdemeanor charges that I was arrested for and I wouldn't appear in court so most of my charges were failure to appear but it was like you know larceny by trick it was prostitution it was simple possession it was possession with intent to distribute it was FTC fraud times 42 it was um you know the the the the progression of the charges got larger and larger and the last one was um manufacturing methamphetamine's third it was my third offense with that and um distribution of heroin um which in scheduled to which I think I had some Suboxone is where that came from

1:13:28Um but I had already had the the felony charges for the FTC previous and I have scanted from that drug court in Manning Clarendon County and um caught more charges in Charleston and they ran it concurrent so it was at the end of the the last couple of years leading up to to me coming into recovery were were most of my arrests yeah you know transpired now was drug court in Charleston it was Judge Hendricks Judge Condon Judge oh Hendricks is fed okay but I love her she's I love judge yeah so Judge Condon actually cut you some slack huh Judge Condon and Judge Coutin really I love Judge Couture same uh he's he's good people so talk to me about your experience with drug court I guess you're like all right I gotta do something or

1:14:17You seem like it was begrudgingly'cause it seemed like you were a slow slow learner absolutely I was definitely a slow learner we can call it that um yeah so I had caught those charges for the FTC fraud um in Clarendon and then was sentenced there then absconded switched it to Dorchester Berkeley County Dorchester County caught four more charges and got into Charleston County Drug Court when I came through um I honestly they I had to have an address with drug court right like I had to have an address you have to Oxford House wasn't really a thing that big then I think we had 10 houses here in the Lowcountry um and it wasn't known I had never heard about it and so I had a friend of mine who's in recovery now in an Oxford house actually act like my aunt and use the address of a trap house in Pepper Hill

1:15:08As my address to get out and I had my dope boy pick me up and put me in a hotel room give me a pack and so I started selling drugs again just sentenced to drug court cause that's literally the only thing I knew at that point um I didn't know how to do anything else that's what I'd just been accustomed to doing um and someone the guy the people in drug court I had ran with in active use of course for years and they were in drug court doing the program they're like AC like you can't be living you can't be living at the hotel bro like you can't do that you can't be selling drugs like you're gonna end up in prison I had 11 years over my head and um and I was like I honestly didn't want to I didn't really I had that ambivalence right we talk about that in CPS training where you know you wanna do something different you just don't know how to do it or what to do and um and thank goodness um I took the suggestion someone

1:16:01Uh suggested have you ever heard of an Oxford House and uh Hatten and and they're like here there's these are the vacancies call these numbers set up an interview and ironically enough my first appearance in General Sessions drug court

The drug court moment that changed everything

1:16:13I went in with an ounce of methamphetamines in my breast and an ounce like a half an eight ball probably like an eight ball of heroin in the other side and I'm in general sessions in front of Judge Coutin and I had not been to any meetings I did not go to my treatment commitment had not been to drug testing that first week and he sat there and said you've gotta do 90 meetings in 90 days you've gotta do this you've gotta do that and I didn't realize I had those drugs in my bra until I sat back down from going in front of the judge and I had a little bit of an itch and I heard the sound and I was like holy crap and something just came over me like you're literally sitting in General Sessions court right now in drug court in front of all of these people and you have this much drugs on you like something's gotta give either I was going to haul ass have fuck it let's go or I was going to get to change

1:17:06Something had to change right and so when I left the courthouse that day and I my drug dealer had taken me to court that day I was like yo listen like I've got to do something like I don't have the money to do I don't know what I'm gonna do I'm gonna call this Oxford House and I'm gonna try to set up an interview cause I can't continue to live like this cause I'm gonna end up getting caught like I just I had been up for four days at that and I had not used any drugs at all I was running on pure adrenaline and probably the energy of the meth right and being surrounded by everybody on meth right um and

First meeting, first Oxford House

1:17:40I called the Oxford House and I went to my first meeting which was nag on Remount Road and I walked in and like seen all these people that I knew from and I was like what like this is where everybody's at you know reunion a reunion yeah and I know I don't know if you see that me and my everybody sees like you walk into a meeting you see your drug dealer chair in the meeting yeah that's kind of exactly what happened um but I called the Oxford House nobody answered and when I left that Oxford House that night they called me back and it was one of my best friends that I ran with in the streets and she said Asa and I just seen her at that meeting and I was like Holly and she's like oh my gosh and and that that was like the first little god wink that I experienced right something like

1:18:29Bigger than me like that aligned exactly how it was supposed to align and I did the interview and got accepted in my in my Oxford house and I literally I told my dope boy I was like listen he respected me he's like here give it back to me here's the money to get in your Oxford House you know I'll help you do that and I mean I still talk to him he's in fed right now doing 18 years on a totally different but anyway um yeah he he helped me you know and I hit the ground running and I ain't looked back haha so when you say you hit the ground running what are some things that stand out walk me through hitting the what hitting the ground what was suggested you know in the program that we work right like it's you know you you you do the things the sponsor steps meetings be of service and

1:19:16And that's what I leaned into is service work especially with Oxford House did you get a job like when you were in Oxford was that your job did you just kind of get that one or did you get another job early on I was in yeah so I couldn't get hired on because I had so many different felonies and I remember getting like being $2,000 behind in my Oxford House and on contracts and for behavior and financial cause I was just ratchet and savage and did some really crazy shit and even in Oxford you know and I I was left like you take the substances away but you're still left with yourself and those behaviors and I was I was savage um but um I uh

A first job right where her old life happened

1:19:59I ended up landing a job at the Comfort Inn on Ashley Phosphate Road which was wild because part of my story I was trafficked human trafficked for for many years for four years sex trafficked and um I was in and out of that hotel on the other side and then working on the right side right like the legal side it was like a freaking god has a great sense of humor right cause like I didn't I'm living on Ashley Phosphate in Pepper Hill in my Oxford house I'm working at the Comfort Inn on Ashley Phosphate right which if you know what the fate is it's the fate I mean that that's and I'm surrounded by all these people and all my past associates and the past lifestyle and seeing these women coming in and out and these Johns

1:20:47Coming in and out and seeing all this stuff and I was still able to stay sober and in recovery and um I worked there for 18 months that was my first job and I I I showed up on time every day and I did what I was supposed to do and and finally ended up becoming a peer support specialist and being offered a job with Oxford House and Dorchester Alcohol and drug in the same week which was wild wow yeah now had everything did the dust settle with drug court after how long were you in drug court for so no I was still in drug court I was in drug court for 20 months I um I I followed through with the program I missed testing twice so it set me back phases both times which I needed uh I I look at it now in hindsight and I needed that um and a year into drug court I just I started going to try to tech for my associates

1:21:36Uh in arts and um everything was just kind of falling into place slowly but surely things just started falling into place and um yeah so you start working with with Oxford what are some of the things that stood out early on in Oxford and I'd like to hear you know one what that experience has been like from the beginning to where we are today

How Oxford House rebuilt her

1:21:57Oxford House has helped mold me into the woman that I am today the behavior contracts that I was placed on help correct and change the behaviors the manipulation the dishonesty the stealing the all the things um that I was held accountable for and then being of service right and becoming that servant leader it really put the service structure and a foundation for me um and and I was literally you know helping outreach open houses and I was going in and teaching the model and teaching the guidelines and doing all the things and I knew that that is what I wanted to do um and you at Oxford House only hires internally so you have to go through Oxford House to become an Oxford House employee and that's all over the nation um but you know I knew that's what I wanted to do I just you know I had gotten 21 driving under suspensions in that

1:22:45You know on that that in the history and I had a habitual offender um for driving under suspension I had to wait five years to get my license so they couldn't hire me if I had that and so I I did the research and did some work and ended up getting a habitual offender reduction after two and a half years about $8,000 and I was able to get a car and my license and they were willing to hire me and that's how I ended up getting on um but yeah it it it literally taught me life skills how to pay bills how to do chores you know how to communicate with other women and learn how to be a friend um a woman in recovery how to love myself because it when I first came into recovery I had no love for myself and that's what I feel like I have been searching for my whole entire life was love and I was seeking it in everything

1:23:35I could find whether it be the gang whether it be the men whether it be the job whether it be the drug the alcohol any of that I was searching for this feeling that I found by living in an Oxford house with eight other women and they loved me until I could find find out who I was and I was searching for who I was for all the 38 years and I finally found myself um and that has been you know a huge spiritual and transformative experience right all this whole eight years really and I'm still discovering things about myself and still learning who I am as a woman in recovery and a wife and a mother and a friend and a co worker an executive director and a training and education coordinator

1:24:25And a grad student at college of Charleston like I'm still learning all these things about myself that I like and that I don't like and you know it's just it's just been a wild journey

Finding spirituality

1:24:35So you said this word once again it seems to show up spirituality and you looked at me right in my face and you're like uh uh there was none of that so what has uh one do you remember where there was a shift in regards to this aspect and what what has that journey been like for you cause how do you go from uh being heartless cold callous no type of spirituality whatsoever not receptive to it to all of a sudden like and now you're a Reiki master yeah so let me just tell you this is wild methamphetamine means will open I believe this is my opinion OK here we go it's not the opinion expressed by anyone or the executive I'm gonna take all the hats off right this is Asa Wilson's personal opinion I think that means will open up portals of spirituality I'm just saying sometimes

1:25:24I feel like we're not ready for a lot of the things that we experience whenever those portals are opened and but I believe that the journey started then and then the DMT which we didn't even talk about yes uh Diamond Method trampoline which is a totally different experience it's Spirit Molecule your mind yeah it's a whole it's some other shit and so I yeah I started doing some DMT you know and I feel like those things just started opening more and more and I was um you know my mind started to open and my heart started to open and I started to seek those things you know seek knowledge is really what I've always tried to do and um I crystals would find me uh well crystal meth found me too but crystals would find me and I believed in the healing properties of crystals and I always would you know be gifted or find like little velvet bags and they just have

1:26:09Or steal somebody's stuff right like on the streets in survivor mode and they had crystals right so it's just wild um and when I came into recovery I really delved into that I I um and I was when I was in Charleston County too I was introduced to The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer you know um the the Wise Heart by Jack Cornfield which is the Buddhist principles um and and I I love the Love Language different Love language book and the habit book and all of these self help things that guided me through and ironically enough there was a yogi that was locked up in Charleston County with me and she taught me about the chakras and she taught me about alignment and spirituality and the crystal concepts and we're doing yoga on the rec yard in Alcanada Detention Center twice a day and she was in there for improper use of a telephone and I believe that the universe

1:27:03My higher power brought her to me for a reason and it kind of again I just had that open mind and heart to just keep seeking spirituality um another instance and we didn't even get to talk about this um but when um in 2,016 2,015 um

Losing her daughter

1:27:23My daughter ended up passing 2,016 she passed away in a car accident and six months before that um she had found me and there were some things that had happened that um she ended up getting taken from me when she was 11 and um she ended up finding me on the streets of Ashland Falls faith and coming to be with me and um inevitably I had to was called to the hospital um by her side and when she passed away I felt her energy leave her body right and in those moments I knew something was greater than I and I knew there was something more to life than what I was living in and in those moments is really when the spirituality concept kind of kicked in cause I felt that spirit that was a spiritual experience feeling her energy if you've ever sat with someone that passes

1:28:11You could I could literally see her energy as it left and in that like I knew uh you know and and and I think that's really what the catalyst was to start leading me to that and through that that spiritual journey yeah but I would imagine at that point in time that was really difficult oh yeah I mean um I was in denial I I don't know I don't know that I've ever properly grieved it even to this day I think um I I my and my belief on death is totally different I don't see it as a negative thing um I believe that's our ultimate goal in life is to ascend to the heavens of whatever that looks like you know and this again these are my personal opinions um so I I don't see death as a negative thing and in those moments I definitely did but today I don't see it in that perspective and I believe she's

1:29:00With us right now you know and she's always with me and she's actually one of my spirit guides so it's kind of helped me and also losing her that day I feel like helped save my life and has brought me to this moment right here with you today right like I don't think if that wouldn't have happened that I'd be where I am today because I don't think I would have ever sought anything other than what I was seeking at that time yeah yeah I agree you know where you and I I can definitely relate about energy right the one thing I know about energy is you can't kill it you can only divert it and so it transforms so with the body you never see the chicken once he comes out oh let me polish my egg and try to keep like we transcend you know nobody gets out alive and uh and so to your point yeah I am

1:29:48I agree that she's probably right here with us in this moment

Becoming a peer support specialist

1:29:52So you you drop this bomb you you have CPS you're working with mental health right so you start you said Dorchester what Dorchester alcohol and drug alcohol and drug yeah alright so what was that experience like that was like the opening the door of like pure support and I remember doing the training with Midlands with Bobby Brazil and them up there that's you and Julie Cole and this is old school yeah right um going through that training and then going into the field I honestly didn't obtain a lot of the information from the training I remember and I was like golly I should have probably paid more attention but I Learned working in that 301 well the county alcohol and drug agency um there's just different dynamics to peer support and there's different roles that peer support play and being in that 3:01

1:30:37Was a little different than where I'm at now and with Oxford House because I'm also peer support for them but that looks totally different than what the executive director are working at an RCO looks then being in a 3:01 and there were a lot of things in the 3:01 but I I I I am grateful for the experiences but I'm also grateful to know uh what I don't like right it taught me what I don't like and like about it and uh but part of that is like documentation hahaha I loathe it yes you know yeah um and there's a lot of that has to be done there's a lot of politics and policies and and the county alcohol and drug agencies and um honestly there were a couple of instances where I was torn ethically um because I was

1:31:27Also the outreach of Oxford House and we had residents coming through the agency that were you know having positive UAS and I couldn't say anything to the houses and you know there were just a lot of things and situations and then not only that but being so well known people coming through for our services and I had to relinquish being associated with them because of the past relationships when all actuality those people were there because they seen me recover and had hope and that in itself was just a little you know I I I understood it I understand I get it and it also was kind of based on what type of relationship that we had to where they were you know black and out to where I couldn't see them and I couldn't work with them and then

1:32:16It but it also you know instilled some some good qualities in me too be able to have those tough conversations with people that I loved and I loved them from the streets it is what it is I had some type of love for them and respect for them but I also had to have those hard conversations with them like hey I can't I can't help you right I can't help you here because of our relationship um and but here here's X y Z you can work with them and they're great and they do this and they do that you know to where um but again um I Learned what I didn't want to do um through that experience and that's working in an alcohol and drug agency yeah I'm with it so now you talk about peer support in Oxford right and so how has um how has your role evolved within Oxford

1:33:04And maybe you can kind of cause you said back then was what 10 houses yeah right and you know I've noticed you know of course I kind of get a look behind the curtain but maybe we could talk let's let's take a a and hold a space all things Oxford one how it's evolved um where we're at what your experience has been like cause it it has been really cool to see and then maybe what we're hoping for and what the future looks like um so when I came in there was 10 by the time I became an outreach I think we had 14 or 15 because the outreaches before me had opened up a couple and I was involved in those and since then we are now here in my area we have 46 um and I've had to close a couple and open a couple and

1:33:52Move a couple and whatever whatever um but it's been an amazing experience and I've also discovered that obviously I'm supposed to be expanding I'm good I'm good at that when I put my mind to it I can expand in all different facets whether it be here at favor we've expanded tremendously and with Oxford House we've expanded tremendously but not only with the expansion comes my growth right and I've been able to use some of my skills from the streets it just transform them and use them in different positive ways and my role as the outreach is to connect with landlords investors people to invest in rennas Oxford House and you gotta be able to sell it right like you gotta be able to place of value

1:34:39And and that's not hard to do with an Oxford House especially when it saves people's lives and so I've been really good at um gaining new relationships with new landlords and you know obtaining properties that you know we are that would it's beneficial for our organization and then I'm really good at teaching the model and I have 36 chapter officers that kind of work alongside me that I am able to empower and teach and them and then delegate and then they do the same on a house level so I have been able to take a step back whereas I was going to so many house meetings a week every week it was really overwhelming sometimes and it literally took over my life and I have been able to learn through that um a lot of compassion fatigue almost burnout right um

1:35:29I have been able to learn from that now I have boundaries I'm able to set I put my phone down at a certain time I don't answer for residents they have to go through the hierarchy you call a chapter officer then you have the officer will call me if needed um but I've just been able to learn a lot with the role with Oxford House um it's taught me things um boundaries like with my parents and with my family members like I didn't know how to set those before Oxford House has taught me how to be able to do those things you know um and show up and have integrity and humility at that cause I'm I fuck up a lot you know there's lots of times I fuck up but I'm able to admit that and I'm also able to learn from those experiences and I love when my chapter officers hold me accountable when I'm not in alignment or I'm making a decision based off of emotion or I'm I'm guiding them in a decision

1:36:19That might not be beneficial for all parties right like they will hold me accountable and you know I you have to be the devil's advocate in a lot of the situations you're placed in with um with Oxford House because you have to see both sides or all all sides and then be able to come up with a common solution that will be helpful for all parties and coming in without a bias and that has been um a huge learning curve and experience yeah

From 14 to 46 Oxford Houses

1:36:48So you know 14 to 46 you went from 14 houses to 46 houses and no slowing down in sight is that fair to say absolutely not we have a one opening on the 26th we got another one open in November and I've got four more pending keep going girl um I love seeing Brent open as many as you can in the upstate too like we need them it's not my area but but help me out cause I need houses it's happening so somehow you talk about the 3 o ones right I wanna talk about Rcos for a second so how do you get exposed to that wanna maybe tell our audience

What is an RCO? Building FAVOR Lowcountry

1:37:28A little about what an RCO is how'd you get introduced to it oh okay um a good friend of mine Jr Weaver he's amazing we went through drug court together and um he started this Recovery Revolution page on Facebook and I started helping out with that and um we just started doing a lot of collabing in and out of just recovery oriented systems right and coming up with ideas and doing doing all the things um and I I guess he had referred me to Ed Johnson who helped found this organization shout out Ed yeah thanks Ed um and uh you know told him about me and and and then called me and said hey would you be willing to take on the program director at FAVOR Lowcountry

1:38:16You know and I had heard of favor I'd never been to favor never really been to an RCO I got trained at Midlands which was up in Columbia so I didn't really have a lot of interactions with Rcos or what that even look like I also had a bias against multiple pathways until I went through my training so you know I was you know 12 steps are nothing you know um and abstinence are nothing and that was my biases biases and um anyway so so Ed hit me up and they had me put my resume in um and uh I was interviewed by a couple of the board members and ultimately hired but when I got here I didn't even know what I was walking into and it was literally nothing I mean we had this CPSS trainings going on like twice a year um the James was here working part time hours you know 15 hours a week

1:39:06And I was building something from the ground up and I had no clue now did y'all have bricks and mortar we did we did so this was here this office was here but it was only open nothing all recovery meeting what twice a week and that was it that's it and then you come walking through the door cause Ed says come on yeah alright he believed in me he seen something in me the board did I'm forever grateful for that how long ago was that that was almost I'll be here four years I'm almost been here four years now you mentioned something you kind of kind of glossed over it you said you got an you you've got you one you're in grad school right now but then you said oh I got an associate's at Trident Tech so somewhere in there you completed college was that going on why you came in here and

1:39:54Took this position too yeah and talk talk to me about that the last seven years I've been in school hahaha on top of two full time jobs and they are full time jobs yeah so and I have a 4.1 4.0 GPA right now in grad school and it blows my mind I've never had a 4.0 ever in my life what are you uh what's your major public administration oh goodness girl you can be running the state of South Carolina one day before you know it hashtag goals yeah hashtag hi Sarah Goldsby I love her she's amazing she empowers me all the time and I'm grateful for that yeah it was really cool to see you at the uh Opioid Summit when you got your your award cause like I said I remember when you were just at Oxford like

1:40:41I would go to Nag and we would be at these different things right and it was like and I was kind of bouncing around I was what that that was cool cause I there was a period of time one time I'm working with Frank and Frank made me go live in an Oxford house so I had my house and then I gotta stay on Walpoo Road so here here's here's something that most people don't know so I have a return to use in order Frank's like hey you gotta stay in an Oxford House and I'm like all right so I just get the Oxford House on Wapoo but my house is on Wadmalo Island right so I keep and I'm like all right so I would come to the and I would do the Oxford and of course the A's right down the street so I'd work I'd do that but I could wake up at like three or four in the morning and then go to my house and change clothes and

1:41:26And uh dang bro it's been a hell of a ride um but that saved my life to be honest just to be able to have that window of time to kind of you know I mean I'm not a one white chip guy or whatever you want to call it like if if if there's a mistake to be made buddy I've made it and I think a lot of that has to do with um there's this one side which is the pride in the ego right of just you know wanting to be successful and ambitious and you know accepted to the other side of just not being good enough and as well as just having really bad behavior over the years like there were just certain aspects of life that really needed to be addressed if I was ever gonna have any type of success

1:42:17Despite substances you know what I'm saying whether it's in regards to relationships with the you know my personal relationships and and this whole other thing about um financial security right and um but Oxford really helped me in that in that period of time cause I don't without it I don't I wouldn't have gotten I wouldn't have been able to get sober for that period of time and I was sober for a number of of years it was a quick return to use over you know and I remember there was a period of time and then a and then then it all fucking blew up but um so you come in what what was the lay of land I mean what y'all have like the budget of like 70 grand or something like that 90 grand where you at now

Building programs, including peer support in the jail

1:43:05Oh we I think we're at like 7:50 boom so talk to me about when you came in and what what are some of the programs that you have been able to create and and what does it look like now so it was 15 hours a week yes small recovery and two CPSS trainings maybe three three but yeah so that's all we had going on and we built that program out um we do four now and we had zero engagement right and so I started reaching out to community partners and treatments and detoxes and you know recovery housing and bringing I got smart you know Smart Recovery certified and um got James that too so we started carrying meetings in the treatment centers and then connected with the college

1:43:51At Triton once I became a student there with wood down there he's absolutely amazing thank god for him because he advocated for me to get into college which was a whole another story right like cause I had such a lengthy criminal history that yeah it took I did not think they were gonna accept me and um and when I got it when and when I applied for grad school I had to go back through that whole process and go on a board and do all this stuff and like oh it was wild but anyway thank god for wood and we started carrying um Narcan trainings down at the college and that kind of has been like the those were the two things um CPS you know um the smart recovery and then the Narcan trainings and then I just started reaching out and um being out in the community being a face and voice of recovery

1:44:41And and introducing myself in spaces and connecting with people and building trust right showing up and doing what we say we're gonna do and slowly but surely we have been able to add another employee and add another employee and right now I have four um and I think we're about to be hiring some more'cause I think some more funding's coming through um but we have been able to build initiatives and programs and um I couldn't do that without my team and without really a working board and I'm just gonna go with that like it was imperative like the first thing I had to do we had to do like a strategic planning and I we called Doctor Kristen shots out to Carps SFC Nicole Chris she's amazing she came in she guided us and we did a three year and five year plan

1:45:28And at this point we are on track right and um redid the mission and vision and that was that was after I had to restructure the board and really get my feelers out and find out what this board needed where we were lacking um what were the strengths the weak like a SWAT analysis right and so we did that and now we have this amazing board with a fundraising subcommittee and a education and advocacy subcommittee and you know um uh just it the it the it's just been transforming for the whole organization but I couldn't do it by myself right and until I could get some employees I needed a board that was gonna help me and uh so that has been quite the process um but now here we are you know and we've got the Alcan the Alcanin program which is the favor program inside of Alcanin

1:46:18Where we have pure supports going in the jail which it took me years to be able to get that to happen and Graziano was a sheriff first when I first started to push it and I I got a lot of feedback and positive reinforcement but there was never any movement and then when Sheriff Richie came in you know I was able to connect with Richie and Coudron and Roger and they were really heroes and pioneers and Caitlin Galley to help us get into our canon and they changed the policies and they let me in the jail and uh I that day was just a a spiritual experience in itself to be able to walk in to Alcan Detention Center as a peer support on the other side and be able to walk out you know walk in without being in handcuffs and walk out you know having seen so many people that I associated with on the street still going through the doors and revolving

1:47:07Doors of the jail right they've been in and out in and out in and out and I've just been able to use my lived experience of going in and out of these jails and institutions and like what was lacking for me when I was going through it and provide everything that I was lacking and that's been in every situation so like for instance I was at the methadone clinic for years I was on methadone for 200 what 220 milligrams a day at at for a couple of years I was well smoking crack but anyway they didn't have peer support back then right so now we have peer support in Berkeley Treatment Center which is another program out there so to have someone walk alongside you know and be able to help guide them to recovery resources and have someone with lived experience you know that can help them versus sitting in front of clinician which we all know um the best thing for you to do is to connect with peers right

1:47:58Um it's proven to work it's evidence based and um so that's another thing that we've done uh we also have teamed up with uh the city of Charleston Police Department we have a peer support working alongside city of Charleston and kind of doing like a lead program right um law enforcement and diversion as well as a little bit with North Charleston we've kind of leaned in a little not a lot we're hoping that that grows in a sense but the peer support is doing um overdose follow UPS as well with the city of Charleston so anybody that has an overdose or any um infraction or engagement with law enforcement that is substance related whether it's alcohol cocaine stimulants whatever fentanyl opioids those individuals are given to our peer support and we are able to connect with them and offer resources and help them find recovery and I don't have any

1:48:47Data with me today but that has been profound and we've collected data with the outcannon program and I think at this point I started the pilot a year ago um and just I I don't we didn't want any money like money's great again here we go with like being servant LED being mission vision LED there was so much talk about this program needing to be started but there's no funding for it I'm like you know what we're gonna lean in we're gonna lean in because it's a need and because it's something that I'm passionate about and it was something that I experienced myself and and countless others have experienced they've never been given resources they've never been given an opportunity to recover unless you were sentenced to some type of treatment court and that's great treatment court is amazing it helps save my life yes but if we can mitigate that from having to happen and catch them before you know they

1:49:37Continue on that journey of criminal engagement or justice involvement then we can reduce the rates of recidivism we can reduce the rates of overdose we can reduce the rates of you know families separating and losing your kids and dying inevitably and so um I started collecting the data you know and I think uh right now last I checked we were at like 237 participants in that program and out of those I think we've been able to place 170 something people into recovery housing and whether that's been in a scar affiliated house or an Oxford House and I think this also helped with the expansion at the end of the day it's like there's a need right and if there's a need that we have to provide that need and and and and I don't go out seeking houses to open it's wild how the universe my higher power whatever you wanna call it source you know

1:50:26Just drops these opportunities into my lap for things to happen and I believe that anything that I don't have my hands in is is God's will and if I have my hands in it it isn't so when things are presented in my in my path I feel like there's a reason for that and I need to lean in um and so with with all that it's just really cool the correlation of both positions how well they work together um you know the conferences the events you know I have staff that can handle the favor and I can do be there as a representation for Oxford or you know vice versa and I've been able to hire three of my employees are Oxford House residents so you know I'm able we're able to kind of bring it all together and and have the foundation right here at FAVOR Lowcountry for anything anyone needs that is seeking and starting

1:51:14Their recovery journey and I think that's exactly what's been needed so man that's so awesome to just watch you know cause this like you said each step has has been a vital pivotal role for the next one it's been a building block right and I think that lynchpin was that had experience with uh with Oxford but you can go back your experience being involved justice involved and you know I got really excited when you told me about being able to go into I'll cannon and and do that and I hope that um nor Trolson gets on board Mayor Burgess I hope you hear this i'mma give him a shout out get with my girl Asa um because what we get to do the person that's here running our sound Stephanie she does a lot of the uh she deals with our jail programs and the success

1:52:04Uh because they have somewhere to go when they get out right you have somebody with that lived experience and access to every resource on the face of the planet and it's at no cost it's not that it's free it's that no cost to the individual right and that's that's where our challenge I'm really excited to see that you you said you have a fundraising component that you you've kind of started to to do so and I know that you're you're busy but um what do you see the future what are some things that you hope to accomplish in in the future for FAVOR Lowcountry oh gosh I have a vision and I don't think I'm gonna stop

The vision: every county jail in SC

1:52:43Until I get there and that's to be in every county jail here locally and really across the state and really mimicking and mirroring the program that we have in our canon and I'm hoping that other counties and other municipalities lean in and I think that we're paving the way and I know that we're learning through all these different roles and learning what not to do because we're literally creating these programs and initiatives with no knowing and just leaning in with the knowledge that we have but also learning a lot throughout our journey right like learning so much along the way um and I'm hoping that we can get these these programs inside of every county um I've I've attempted Berkeley County I'm really not gonna stop until I'm in and Dorchester County and I'm not gonna stop until I'm in um it's just the consistency and being persistent um

1:53:34And this is just the beginning and I and I'm in hopes that you know uh to be in all we're not even we're I you know we have a program with m U s C and uh m O U d E d training that we provide here favor um for the Ed peers in MUSC all over the state but I'm in hopes that at some point we can get in Roper we can get in cause there we already have peers in Prisma we have peers all over in all of these um emergency departments but here locally you know there's funding there's barriers there's all these things that we're encountering as going in and I'm grateful that MUSC has a peer program and I honestly send everyone to that program because I know all the peers they've came through our training and I know the services that they're gonna get and I know they're gonna be taken care of it was someone with lived experience

1:54:24Um and I'm in hopes that East Cooper Roper all the hospitals will allow us to come in at some point and and we've had some meetings with Roper and we provide we're here as a warm handoff for people that they're serving but the word just needs to get out even more and um yeah that's fine I I there's a I have there's a lot to my vision yeah there's no shortage of work to be done absolutely so we're just getting started yeah like it's just wild like we're just getting started yeah for sure that's a fact we're hoping to be expanding into Collin and Dorchester and Beaufort in the next year like that's the goal you know and Oasis is allowing that with this NOFO that they just released for Rcos to be able to expand in other counties that are underserved and so I'm hoping that that you know we'll we'll be leaning into that and and again I I feel like my strong suit is expansion

1:55:14And that's what I will continue to try to do is expand peer services and recovery services throughout the state of South Carolina and across the nation of the United States let's go let's go let's go yeah so this is this is not just a local with the this this episode when it's all said and done with will have reached millions of people so you know in in part of um the reason for starting this is I'm a true believer that everyone everywhere deserves a fighting chance at recovery and we've been on this journey and um you know when it comes out there's gonna be a a Saturday or a Sunday or a Tuesday where uh somebody has no money and the only thing that they may have is a is a phone and um

1:56:09And you're gonna pop up

A message if you're considering recovery

1:56:12If somebody's considering a change or if somebody's new in recovery what are some suggestions and what are some things that you would share to those individuals goodness not to give up to just to give themselves an opportunity to be able to recover you know be willing to take the suggestions and be willing to follow some direction and no matter what um and really listening um and figuring out what they want their future to look like right and and kind of you know being open to seeing themselves in a different space than where they're at currently you know um

1:57:03Sometimes it's hard to fathom or imagine or anything in those space whenever you're coming in um you you've only lived a certain way for so long and um just the sky's the limit like you can be and become anything you wanna become um you just have to have a little bit of faith in yourself and A and a and a lot of willingness you know cause I'd never you would have told me eight years ago what do you want out of recovery I would have sold myself short I would never imagine my life being where it is today ever um and someone believed in me and a lot of women loved on me and um you know just just allow allow people into to love you and to that point I'm not gonna let you get away with this um because I think you actually have some very valuable insight

1:57:53Um you know your mom thought you were never gonna get married and so you're actually married and you have seemed to be flourishing with a wonderful marriage so maybe you could speak to that in closing hmm

Healing enough to attract a healed love

1:58:08I had to get to the point to where I healed to attract a healed man and it took four and a half years of recovery and therapy and EMDR and um for me to be able to do that and get to this space where I love myself enough and I could attract someone at the same frequency of healing that I was at and it has been such a magical experience and we continue to ascend together in frequency and um we're very empowering to each other and motivating and hold each other accountable and not in the recovery sense just in life um and we show up for each other and we love each other unconditionally we don't go to but we don't get we've never fought like I've never been in a relationship where I didn't argue and fight with someone all the time and we don't do that we're able to kind of take a step back and see from each other's perspectives

1:59:00And be able to think a little differently right and and uh you know be able to agree to disagree and uh I think I shared with you earlier he just the the the things the littlest things that we do for each other without even realizing we do it you know and the way that we love each other it's just I've never knew love could feel or be defined the way that I feel today and um I think that's an evolution as well cause what I loved or what I thought was love 20 years ago 30 years ago I was so baffled I was so retarded to be honest I uh did not realize what love really was well Asa I love you and I'm so blessed to

1:59:48Actually be able to call you friend and I look forward to the future and of course we'll I'm sure you'll be back sometime but um thank you for your time and and I look forward to the future thanks for having me I appreciate you proud of you it's wild to see you where you're at you know and uh I am I'm grateful to have the collaboration and and that you're with FAVOR Upstate I'm with favor looking it's crazy how the universe kind of did that and we're just working on both either ends of the state doing the same shit same shit meeting in the middle South Carolina yeah we will be in Columbia on Thursday yeah yeah absolutely taking it to SC United Recovery let's go let's go State House one two three